Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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