it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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