Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
