Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
