From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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