Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
