Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
