What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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