I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
