I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
