Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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