I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
