i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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