I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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