Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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