Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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