He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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