Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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