During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
