Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Enjoy the penises
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
