Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
