my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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