well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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