I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
