make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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