oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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