I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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