I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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