im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
