man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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