i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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