On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
