I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
