I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
