I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
