Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
