Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
