i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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