you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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