After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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