bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize