The brown eye won't let me do that either.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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