and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
