Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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