1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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