Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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