He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
