Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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