she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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