I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
