i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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