If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
