In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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