You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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