What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need moral support for this bender
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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