3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
