best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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