I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
