i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
