Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
