I have demons in me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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