: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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