Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
