I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
