I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
