I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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