Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
