you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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