The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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