there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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