Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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