I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
