i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
