Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
